Warning: This could very well be a rambling tangent of thoughts without any coherence whatsoever.

Or as the cool kids now call it..."a mashup". (See? I'm down with the trends. If it's good enough for Miley and 50 Cent, I'm good wit' it.) 

Why do kids (upon exiting the house) either leave the door open completely, or feel the need to slam it so hard that the Febreeze smelly thing in the bathroom comes unplugged?

Why, when the number of children exceeds one, do they gather in my front lawn and feel the need to scream? Do they all lose their hearing after slamming the door after leaving the house? Are sign language classes needed?

Why can my 10-year-old tell me random facts about Demi Lovato, including her birthplace and the story of how she met Selena Gomez, but can't remember to tell me when every piece of her clothing is dirty? (Don't know who Demi and Selena are? Google is your friend.)

Why are boys so loud?

Why, when I say "Get ready for bed and brush your teeth", do my children hear "Before changing into your pajamas, go to the bathroom and camp out for 20 minutes, then wait for me to ask you if you're in the bed yet. Then change and spend 15 more minutes playing with your sister in front of the mirror before brushing your teeth. Get as much water on the mirror as possible, and please leave little pieces of green goo toothpaste on the vanity so you can put your hairbrush down in it. Then when I pick it up and get sticky on my hands, I will be SO happy." 

Why can I call my children's names at the top of my lungs if I need help with housework and they can't seem to hear me, but never have a problem understanding me if I'm discussing possible Christmas present ideas for them?

Why are boys so freaking loud?

Why do magazines and yarn seem to take up residence in my floor, multiplying like 20-somethings after a night of oysters and Jello shots?

Why can't I seem to locate the want ads looking for people to get paid to listen to new music, knit cool stuff all day, and sample new batches of Nutella?

Why does the back seat of my car become the dumping ground for everything from half-consumed milk and ponytail holders to the library book that should have been returned two months ago?

Why do people think simply "friending" someone on Facebook is the same thing as keeping in touch?

Why do some folks refuse to teach their kids home training, then get upset when they get in trouble?

Why are boys so $%@^@* LOUD???

There. I feel better. 

Today marks Day 3 or 4 of a week of my working the overnight shift. (I appear confused on the day due to two reasons: the first is a severe lack of sleep because my body clock just isn't good at doing a 180 degree turnaround for the sleep schedule. The second reason is because while everyone else is finishing their Wednesday, I'm getting ready to start my Thursday.)

I only bring up the schedule thing because I have learned the hard way that all those doctors and scientists who talk about problems related to a lack of sleep really are on to something. In my line of work, I read a LOT -- A lot of news stories, press releases, blogs, Tweets, magazines, etc. And one of those health stories that comes up every so often is about the ills and aftereffects of sleep deprivation. They say people who don't have enough rest are on the same mental level while driving as someone who'd had a few too many drinks and got behind the wheel of a car. Lack of sleep is also a contributing factor to diseases, including things that lead to diabetes and other fun stuff like that.

I, however, have done my own research and have come up with a few tried-and-true axioms as well:

1) Things always seem much worse when you haven't had enough sleep. No kidding. The smallest thing can really make me mad and bring me to the verge of tears. (And yes, it really WAS worth needing tissues when Lunchbox ate the last Lofthouse cookie. Those things are like soft, buttery crack.) 

2) Important phone conversations should probably not take place when you're sleep deprived. You may possibly agree to things you wouldn't have under normal circumstances. ("Sure, honey, that tractor pull sounds like a great reason to get a sitter for Saturday night." "No, sweetie, I promise a hot dog from the Target snack bar will be fine for dinner. Texas de Brazil is probably too crowded anyway.") Just don't do it.

3) Rule number 2 also goes for emails, especially those directed to people you work for/with. But if you insist on "sending while sleepy", at least get a proofreader first. (They can probably talk you out of sending that half-cocked rant to your boss...or at the very least hit the "delete" key while your sleepy self is dozing off in the middle of typing it.)

4) When you DO finally lie down to rest after days on end of sleep deprivation, remember to move your phone away from your reach. While we're on this subject, I'd like to apologize to friends and family members with whom I've had a conversation and no knowledge of it afterward because I was asleep the whole time. 

These simple tips will help you, too, overcome the inconvenience that is being sleepy. 

An all-night Starbucks wouldn't hurt, either.

Copyright December 2009  All rights reserved