Warning: This could very well be a rambling tangent of thoughts without any coherence whatsoever.

Or as the cool kids now call it..."a mashup". (See? I'm down with the trends. If it's good enough for Miley and 50 Cent, I'm good wit' it.) 

Why do kids (upon exiting the house) either leave the door open completely, or feel the need to slam it so hard that the Febreeze smelly thing in the bathroom comes unplugged?

Why, when the number of children exceeds one, do they gather in my front lawn and feel the need to scream? Do they all lose their hearing after slamming the door after leaving the house? Are sign language classes needed?

Why can my 10-year-old tell me random facts about Demi Lovato, including her birthplace and the story of how she met Selena Gomez, but can't remember to tell me when every piece of her clothing is dirty? (Don't know who Demi and Selena are? Google is your friend.)

Why are boys so loud?

Why, when I say "Get ready for bed and brush your teeth", do my children hear "Before changing into your pajamas, go to the bathroom and camp out for 20 minutes, then wait for me to ask you if you're in the bed yet. Then change and spend 15 more minutes playing with your sister in front of the mirror before brushing your teeth. Get as much water on the mirror as possible, and please leave little pieces of green goo toothpaste on the vanity so you can put your hairbrush down in it. Then when I pick it up and get sticky on my hands, I will be SO happy." 

Why can I call my children's names at the top of my lungs if I need help with housework and they can't seem to hear me, but never have a problem understanding me if I'm discussing possible Christmas present ideas for them?

Why are boys so freaking loud?

Why do magazines and yarn seem to take up residence in my floor, multiplying like 20-somethings after a night of oysters and Jello shots?

Why can't I seem to locate the want ads looking for people to get paid to listen to new music, knit cool stuff all day, and sample new batches of Nutella?

Why does the back seat of my car become the dumping ground for everything from half-consumed milk and ponytail holders to the library book that should have been returned two months ago?

Why do people think simply "friending" someone on Facebook is the same thing as keeping in touch?

Why do some folks refuse to teach their kids home training, then get upset when they get in trouble?

Why are boys so $%@^@* LOUD???

There. I feel better.