It's gotten to be an almost daily occurrence: My 10 year-old daughter, "Lunchbox", gets into the car after school and answers my question of "How was your day?" with either a list of the mean things done/said by a bullying classmate or tears that say it with no words necessary. This has been going on since the beginning of the school year. Actually, if you want to get technical, it's been going on longer than that. She had the misfortune to be in class with this same kid (we'll call him "Billy", since I can't call him what I'd really like to) last year, too. He was the same way then, too: calling kids names, making fun of them, and in general, being a real, um, pest. Sadly, matriculating to the next grade up hasn't mellowed him in the slightest. It's only given him more time to learn ways to torment those who have the misfortune of being stuck in the same class/grade/planet with him.

"Billy" has called Lunchbox everything but a child of God - rude, mean things that warrant washing his mouth out with soap. Needless to say, this makes me extremely mad. He's knocked books off her desk, slapped a book out of her hands while she was reading, and recruited others to join in the practice of blaming her for everything that he does behind the teacher's back. And this isn't the worst of it - the rest I won't go into here. Even worse, evidently her teacher either seems to witness none of this (he's clever enough to do his worst when she's out of the room) or doesn't care. I'm still trying to figure out which. 

Lunchbox has reported this behavior a couple of times, but it's easy for a 10 year-old to get intimidated by school staff who seem to have a "we aren't going to put up with anything out of anybody" attitude than one of helping students who need it. She has been taught to respect people in positions of authority, but sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have included a section on "when it's okay to question everything". 

As a mom, I'm incensed that "Billy" (who has a consistent history of bad behavior and the detention slips to prove it) is allowed to stay in the class and torment not only my daughter, but other kids as well. I've been assured by the school that there is a "protocol" for dealing with bullying, but haven't been made privy to exactly what that plan is. 

Having been around this kid on a limited basis, I have a theory about why he acts the way he does: It's a classic case of "I'm going to make you feel insecure so you won't notice I'M insecure".  

If Lunchbox were a boy, the bullying would probably be more along the lines of push-him-down-and-take-his-lunch-money. And it would be simpler to deal with, too. I could at least give her the advice a lot of dads give their sons: "Don't start anything, but if someone else does, you finish it". In other words, if some punk takes a poke at you, knock his lights out. 

But since she's a girl, it's mostly emotional. A black eye or bruise is easy to label as bullying, but what about name-calling and remarks that leave other kinds of scars? And it's not like bullying is new. It's been around since little cave-children made fun of each other in class, taking specific note of who wore outfits made of ferret skins instead of the more trendy mammoth hides. Only now, instead of occasional nasty remarks and ugly looks, bullying is treated more seriously, thanks to horrible tragedies like Columbine. 

Lunchbox's school has an anti-bullying policy. But how can you really stop it? Aren't some kids just predisposed to being mean? 

Google "school bullying" and you'll get more than six million results. A lot of those are stories from parents whose children were bullied, and whose deaths were a result. 

I watched a report this morning on ABC news' web site called "The Quick Fix". (Link here: http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/QuickFix/ )

It included an interview with Karla Good, who is a bullying prevention trainer with the Olweus group, which is an anti-bullying group whose program is being used in 5,000 schools in the United States. She says the way to stop bullies is to make bullying uncool, and the way to do that is to get bystanders involved. Good says if students who witness the incident come to the defense of the person getting bullied, it lessens the "power" of the bully. And if the bystander doesn't have the courage to do that, they can tell an adult what they saw. Or simply go up to the person being bullied and be friendly to them. Good says it's working - her group is seeing success with fewer incidents of bullying. Not only that, but the kids say they feel safer at school, and that the adults seem to care more about them.

Amazing, huh?

I'm saddened my daughter is going through this, much like any parent would be. While I have confidence in her ability to shrug it off and go on being her honor-roll self, I still don't like it one bit. It remains to be seen what the school will do about this problem.

But you can bet on one thing: I will not stand by and let it continue. 

Copyright October 2009 All rights reserved